By Emilee Henriquez. LCMHC, Therapist and Advocate for Self-Compassion
How often do you find yourself putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own? For many of us, self-neglect becomes a survival tactic—something we learned in childhood or as a result of trauma. We abandon our own needs because we believe they’re not as important or because we’ve been taught that taking care of ourselves is selfish. But what if you flipped the script? What if putting yourself first was the key to healing and living a more fulfilling life?
Why We Neglect Ourselves
Self-neglect doesn’t just happen overnight. It’s something we’re often conditioned to do over time. Whether it’s through societal expectations, family dynamics, or past trauma, we internalize the message that our needs don’t matter. This can show up in many ways—overworking, people-pleasing, avoiding rest, or ignoring your emotional and physical well-being.
For some, self-neglect feels like a way to maintain control. It’s easier to focus on other people’s problems or responsibilities than to sit with our own discomfort. But over time, this habit leads to burnout, resentment, and a sense of emptiness.
The Consequences of Self-Neglect
When you consistently neglect your own needs, it takes a toll—not just emotionally, but physically and mentally as well. Self-neglect can manifest in the following ways:
Chronic Stress and Fatigue: Constantly putting others first drains your energy, leaving you feeling exhausted and depleted.
Disconnection from Yourself: Over time, you lose touch with what you want, need, and feel. This disconnection can make it difficult to make decisions or set boundaries.
Emotional Numbness: Ignoring your emotional needs can lead to feeling numb or detached, as if you’re just going through the motions of life.
Resentment and Burnout: When you neglect yourself for too long, it’s easy to start resenting those around you, even if they never asked you to sacrifice so much.
The Journey from Self-Neglect to Self-Care
Self-care is often portrayed as bubble baths and face masks, but true self-care goes much deeper. It’s about meeting your core needs—physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. It’s about honoring yourself and recognizing that you deserve to be nurtured, just like anyone else.
What happens when you start putting yourself first:
You Reclaim Your Energy: When you prioritize your own needs, you no longer feel drained or burnt out. Instead, you feel replenished and capable of giving from a full cup.
You Strengthen Your Boundaries: Self-care naturally leads to stronger boundaries. You become more discerning about where you invest your time and energy, and you no longer feel obligated to say “yes” to everything.
You Reconnect with Yourself: As you start tuning into your own needs, you begin to reconnect with your emotions, desires, and sense of purpose. This leads to greater clarity and self-awareness.
You Become More Compassionate: When you treat yourself with compassion, you develop greater empathy for others. You realize that caring for yourself allows you to show up more fully for the people you love.
How to Start Putting Yourself First
Making the shift from self-neglect to self-care can feel challenging, especially if you’ve spent years neglecting your needs. But small, intentional steps can make a big difference.
Steps to prioritize self-care:
Acknowledge Your Needs: Start by recognizing what you need—whether it’s rest, connection, or alone time. Don’t judge or dismiss your needs; acknowledge them as valid and important.
Set Boundaries: Take note of where you’re overextending yourself. It’s okay to say “no” to things that drain your energy or compromise your well-being.
Create a Self-Care Routine: Build small, nourishing rituals into your day—whether it’s taking a walk, journaling, or practicing mindfulness. These moments of care will help you reconnect with yourself.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to have it all figured out right away. Healing from self-neglect is a process, and self-compassion is key to that journey.
My Message to You
I’m a therapist, and I’ve seen firsthand how transformative it can be when someone finally stops neglecting themselves. If you’ve spent your life taking care of others and ignoring your own needs, ask yourself: What would happen if I put myself first? What if self-care wasn’t just a luxury but a necessity? By honoring your needs, meeting yourself where you are, and nurturing your inner world, you’ll find that you can show up more fully—not only for yourself but for the people you love as well.
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